CONGRATULATIONS SHINJI

[failtactical]

[s-s-surprise candle call?!]

Comments

[failtactical]

Did you? Do you remember enough to be 100% sure of that?

More importantly, how does that affect your decision?

[oedipuswreck]

. . . I was only ever miserable there. I don't want to go back.

[failtactical]

So if it turns out that you did save people... will you want to go back, then?

[oedipuswreck]

No—. . . I want to go home with Ruka and Kaworu . . . I want to help here . . . I—

[failtactical]

Then do that, Shinji-kun.

[oedipuswreck]

But aren't I responsible for what I've done?!

[failtactical]

Yes, you are.

[oedipuswreck]

So how can I say—I can't fix it, I don't want to fix it, I want to be happy?

[failtactical]

You're the only one who knows what would make you happy, and you're the only one who can work towards that happiness.

Being punished for whatever things you did, or didn't do... something like that won't change anything back home, anyway.

[oedipuswreck]

Ruka and Kaworu and the others—want me to be happy. But—I guess I'm the one holding myself back. Because why should I be allowed to have that?

[failtactical]

[nods, sighing again as she deliberates for a moment]

I... To be honest, I can barely start to imagine what it must have been like—going through everything you told me about. But I do understand why you'd feel like you don't deserve to be happy after what happened.

But right here, right now, this is where you are, Shinji-kun. There's nothing you can do to change the past and rejecting the possibility of being happy elsewhere wouldn't solve anything either way.

I'm not saying you need to forget about it or pretend it never happened... we both know that kind of thing is impossible. But you can still move forward, you can still change yourself into someone you're happier with, you can make other people happy too...

Keep the memories of your loved ones alive in your heart and live on for their sake. Atone in ways that will improve life for you and other people.

[oedipuswreck]

[clenching his fingers over his knees, shoulders hunched]

. . . I—I want to. I want to help and hope and be happy.

I just—have never felt that before, and I—feel like I don't deserve it. I couldn't deserve it. How dare I? After what I've done.

[he rubs his face with both hands]

[failtactical]

What happened may have been your fault, but that doesn't mean you wanted it to happen. You tried your best for everyone. Even now, here in Aather, isn't that exactly what you're doing as a Knight?

[oedipuswreck]

What does it matter if I try, if I fail? I don't want to—to do that to Aather, too.

[failtactical]

Aren't you being too arrogant now? Something like that won't happen to Aather.

[oedipuswreck]

[his mouth snaps shut]

It would be nice if it were like that, but I've killed a few billion people, my estimation of my ability to mess things up is a little high.

[failtactical]

However many people may have died or not as a consequence of your acts—the Third Impact didn't happen because you're you. It happened because of your choices.

You're not a disaster magnet. You have control over your actions.

[oedipuswreck]

My choice was to try to rescue someone I cared about more than anything! That's all I wanted to do—! How can you—

[failtactical]

[winces just for a second]

If you'd known trying to save Rei would cause the Third Impact—would you have done things differently?

[oedipuswreck]

[stares at her]

[failtactical]

. . .

[oedipuswreck]

. . . Asuka was right.

I'm a brat.

[failtactical]

[ssshhhiiinnnjjjiii]

This isn't the best example because there was no good outcome. But you made your choice and you have to live with that.

Just keep in mind that people will always judge you for your choices and you can't always please everyone. So... at least for yourself, try to have no regrets.

[oedipuswreck]

Before I came here . . . something like that would seem impossible.

[failtactical]

I know...