failtactical | CONGRATULATIONS SHINJI

CONGRATULATIONS SHINJI

[s-s-surprise candle call?!]

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[. . . looks at her for a long moment, then drops his gaze]

. . .

Misato-san . . .

...?

. . . I caused the Third Impact, Misato-san.

[nods, silent, but never looking away from him]

. . .

[stares back at her, with a flicker of confusion, hesitating]

Kaworu and I tried to fix it, but we just . . . made it worse.

Worse?

We triggered the impact again, because . . . Kaworu was the 13th Angel?

[frowns slightly MY NUMBERS DON'T ADD UP but...ok. timelines. w/e.]

... A Fourth Impact?

So many Impacts. Maybe if I wreck the world enough, I can't break it anymore?

[mildly, but with an edge of pure hysteria]

Shinji-kun.

I can't blame Misato-san for—for hating me—

—I don't hate you! And even if I'm not the same Misato you know, even if I have no clear idea of everything that happened during those fourteen years, I just—I simply can't imagine feeling that way about you, Shinji-kun. No matter what.

[clawing at his neck a little, an unconscious nervous gesture]

You told me—not to do anything. Didn't need me. Wouldn't talk. I . . . didn't know what was going on. I didn't know. I didn't know. Misato-san . . .

[shakes her head]

I don't know either, but please believe what I'm telling you right now. I don't hate you.

I'm sorry . . .

... Me too. I'm sorry...

[looks up slowly, needy and nervous and just . . . Shinji, always terrified of rejection, taking the leap to reach out to Misato even though he was expecting the worst—that shaky exhaustion is obvious in how pale his face is]

. . . Misato-san?

[quietly]

Yes?

Are you happy?

Huh?

. . . where you are, right now. Living . . . here. Are you—happy?

[turning bright pink]

W-What's with that question, all of a sudden?

. . .

I'm—not sure. A couple of reasons, I guess.

It's a really serious question...

It's something I've been thinking about seriously.

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